flynn031

Never have I been able to feel the progression of my own strength; but after losing, what feels like, every muscle in my body, working out has become much more rewarding. With the combination of being on maintenance and having an abundance of free time, I've been able to establish a full workout schedule; I feel like Million Dollar Baby (minus an incentivising  Clint Eastwood figure)  As I spend my summer days 'training,' I can feel this desolate body creeping closer to revival; undergoing major reconstruction. I'm having to remind myself that while feeling better, I am still undergoing treatment. (As intensiveness as it is) Either way, whipping this body into shape will be a lengthy commitment seeings how my muscles have become accustomed to minimal movement this past year; accustomed to a temporary existence based solely for biological fighting purposes; as if like a test subject that if dare to fail, would shut down completely. But while my body is jumping back to n...

-           Cancer was somewhat responsible for having ruined my experience of a ‘traditional grad year.’ They always say that the ending of this year is like the ending of a chapter in your life, and graduation is the start of a new one... I’m not the philosophical type but here’s an example, said by someone else who clearly is:  “close the door to the past, Open the door to future, step on through and start your new chapter in your life.” -           Well, this analogy isn’t so true with me. I suppose it’s because my chapter ended a little earlier than everyone else’s. Forced to accept a matured perspective on life – apologies for using that phrase so often- But from the moment I was diagnosed, my life has been revolving around my health and that final finish date: January 29th, 2016. After my diagnosis, I made a promise with myself to never look back. Never imagine what could have been or what might have been...

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/11071275/?claim=ntxkv75989f">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a> As I creep closer to this seemingly illusive ‘Maintenance’ mark, I find myself growing more and more impatient. In my mind I’ve already started to act like I’m in recovery so as to prepare myself. But no matter what mental circumstance I put myself in, I am still days away from starting maintenance. In fact, that ‘finish’ date may even move further away. Finishing up this phase of ‘inter-maintenance’ has been quite easy. Most drugs I’ve taken before and so my body recognises them and almost has a higher tolerance to them. Funny; how nice it would be if our bodies held this same reaction to the cancer cells. How much easier it would be if the more cancer cells attacked you, the bigger tolerance your body could build against them. How miraculous it’d be if after being attacked so many times by cancer, your body could simply recognise the foreign organisms and eventu...

You always have a prospect that by your grade 12 year, after graduation, you’d have acquired a certain development of skills, established all your passions and founded talents that would set the stage for your future after high-school. Up till the beginning of this year, I was beyond satisfied with this expectation. With plans to play varsity, beat the odds to study business, independently set out to build new experiences, while maintaining long lasting relationships along the way, everything I’d worked towards was about to pay off... But things change. “It’s only after we’ve lost everything, that we’re free to do anything.” – Tyler Durden I certainly haven’t lost everything ... but at this age, lifestyle changes are harder to accept, even if the losses are minimal. And although I can’t entirely familiarize myself with Tyler Durden, I feel as if my series of physical, mental and emotional losses have slowly amended my previous set plans for the future; I certainly don’t feel free to do...

Yesterday a fellow teen cancer patient at BC Children’s Hospital passed away. Remembering that death is quite common, I struggled to justify why this had hit me so hard. It wasn’t because she was diagnosed with a cancerous disease like myself and had taken similar drugs, or that she had spent her last days in the hospital where I was only a few floors below her. I met her for the first time a couple of weeks ago at a teen-oncology-group meeting, although we didn’t talk much. I’d say she looked sick at the time but then again, so did everyone. It wasn’t until today that I realised how much we had in common. She was from Richmond, BC and was only a year older than me. She had an older brother, off at university. The toughest thing to see were photos of her in her soccer uniform, before she was diagnosed; Photos with her teammates, her friends, holding medals and trophies. I thought of myself and realised that our connection grew far past just our common diagnosis, but our lives and simil...

Well things have gotten slightly better as I slowly grasp a hold on this deadening nausea. I go back to the hospital on Wednesday to receive the high concentrated drug for the third time. (3/4) One more visit to go for this phase... Even though it’s gotten easier, I still cannot wait for this phase to be done with! I have started limiting my meals to food specific to helping nausea and vomiting: lots of fruits, smoothies, salads and crackers. I don’t have much of an appetite anyway so when I do eat something, I make sure it’s nutritional. Recently, I find that most of my time is consumed by University applications ... my god they’re lengthy. I am not sure if any of you cancer patients out there have applied during their time of treatment, but I find it quite the challenge to explain my situation. I mean, how do you elucidate this kind of lifestyle change? I always fall short with these essays. All they want to hear is that I am more than a number, a well-rounded, leading student. So my...

Well I’ve been wanting, for quite some time now, to post another update... but to be honest the days have been rough and the nights have been long. In a nutshell, the past couple weeks have been spent battling through uncontrollable nausea, persisting fatigue ... and a couple other not-so-fun side effects that I’ll leave unmentioned (chemo patients and survivors can understand.) But rather than go deeper in detail of an evident low point that I seemed to have hit .. I’d rather fill you in on some startling positives. I received my completion date for my entire treatment! As of January 29 th , 2016, I will have finished maintenance-also I will have turned 19-so looking forward to that date... I’ve also sent out applications to some universities, having that hopeful ambition for post-secondary education. I am set to start maintenance by late May, early June so looks like I’ll be feeling great just in time for grad!... and exams. In my current phase, I’m scheduled for 4 – 5 day hospital a...